Monday, November 06, 2006

'Twas The Night Before The Election, by Leslie Crowley

(With many apologies to Clement C. Moore!) 'Twas the night before the election And all through the house Every phone it was ringing I yelled at my spouse "Get that one for me I'll get this one for you If we can handle the onslaught we might make it through!" From the look on his face I knew what it was He had some campaigner I could hear the buzz Of telephone wires Burning brightly and hot I want the information But they should be shot!! They call at all hours They disturb even dinner Each one proclaiming Their side must be a winner I listened half heartedly As my caller began to spiel "Can we count on your vote?" More anger I did feel I finally blew up On some poor witless toad It wasn't his fault That I had reached overload "Now listen to me" I said in a shout "I've had it to here Listening to you all spout" "Each one thinks he's right His man is the savior While defiling the other For unorthodox behavior" "You call us at night When we are trying to sleep You don't even breathe How can we get a peep?" "I know how to read I examine the issues Yet you call every night To imbed in my tissues" "You believe you are right To invade our lives You say it's important You are giving me HIVES!" "Please leave us alone Call on us no more Don't bury us with leaflets Stay away from our door" "I'm an intelligent woman My husband is smart Please trust us to make Decisions straight from the heart" The scared caller hung up As I panted for breath Someone knocked on the door It had better be Death! I rush to the door Throw it open wide A sleazy politician Wedges his foot inside He looks at my face Contorted with rage He takes one step back And throws me a page He says "you look bothered So I'll leave you be Just remember to vote Preferably for me" He fled down the steps Then looked back with a wink "Remember my opponent Had sex with a mink!" I fall to my knees And sobs heave my shoulder They attack from all sides I think they are bolder Than they used to be These campaigners today But after tomorrow They will go away But my husband does smile As his body draws near He pats on my cheek "There'll be another next year" And so I exclaim Kneeling there on the floor "I'm proud to be voting But campaigners I abhor!!"

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